Tips For How To Talk To Children About School Shootings
1. Start by Asking What They Know
“Have you heard anything about what happened at the school?”
This lets you understand their current knowledge and feelings before adding more.
2. Be Honest but Age-Appropriate
“Yes, there was a shooting at a school. It’s very sad and scary. People were hurt.”
You don’t need to give graphic details. Focus on what’s necessary for their understanding.
3. Reassure Them About Their Safety
“You’re safe right now. The people who hurt others aren’t here. Your teachers and our family are working to keep you safe.”
Kids are reassured when they know that the adults are in control and taking care of things.
4. Encourage Questions
“It’s okay to ask me anything. I may not have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to help.”
Let them express confusion, anger, sadness, or fear.
5. Validate Their Feelings
“It’s okay to feel scared or sad or angry. I feel that way too.”
Let them know their emotions are normal and acceptable. Many kids will underplay how much they are upset or scared, so let them know that it is okay to feel this way; They don’t have to be “tough” or “brave”.
6. Limit Media Exposure
Avoid repeated or graphic news exposure—especially for young children.
“Let’s take a break from the news and do something together, like a walk or a game.”
7. Model Calm
Your kids are looking to you for how to respond. Even if you’re shaken, showing calm helps kids regulate their emotions.
“This is hard for everyone, but we’re going to get through it together.”
What to Say by Age:
Young Children (5–8):
Keep it simple and reassuring.
Use concrete language and try to keep it short.
“A person hurt people at a school far away. That was very wrong. You’re safe and we’re here with you.”
Tweens (9–12):
Be more direct, allow for more discussion.
“Some kids and teachers were hurt, and people are really upset. It’s okay to talk about how you’re feeling.”
Teens:
Expect deeper questions and strong emotions.
Encourage dialogue about justice, fear, or anger.
“It’s awful, and I’m angry too. Want to talk about what’s on your mind?”
Help Kids Take Action, When They Are Ready
Older children may want to help or advocate. “If you want to do something, like write letters, attend a vigil, or talk to others, we can help you do that.”